"Mother lovingly and courageously follows the lead of her baby's soul into conception and labor. Her innate ability to give birth is within every cell and she trusts her inner strength to guide her way."
At 2pm I went to have an appointment with Nicky. I was to journey (in the shamanic sense) to receive how I would use the ankh, and she was to scribe for the session. Thoth had been with me all morning; and as we sat in the gazebo of her luscious garden, Cobra came in as well. Cobra me the same pathway of energies that I had witnessed in the days before and much more. I was blown away to hear what I had seen, to learn more in depth, and recieve acknowledgement that what was coming through me was spot on. Oh why do we need acknowledgement so?
September 6, 2009
David, my birth partner who conceived Sacred Birthing with me and took it on the road as Sacred Birthing Seminars, calls me in Eugene and said he may not be going to climb the sacred Shiva mountain in Nepal because of intense headaches that he has to stop denying. Something is going on. He didn’t know what, and I may not be able to stay at his house for the 2 ½ months while he was gone. I want to camp and lie on the earth to let go, but other than a renewal, am not sure why else I am going to Mt Shasta. Suddenly the questions come, “Is he on this deathing path? Is he to be included too?” It’s difficult to think that this man, such a dear beloved of mine, is to transition. I have lots of work to do to be able to come to grips with this one. There’s lots of love and lots of history here. Can I be present? Is this really what is calling me here?
September 11, 2009
From Eugene to Mt Shasta. Its amazing to just drive distances after living on an island for 11 years. The mountain is as it has never been – without snow on it. Even in summer there is still snow, but not this and last year. What a shock. Global warming. I t does not seem right at all. It is not right at all, but that’s what is.
I drive up to my favorite place, Castle Lake, and camp for the first night right on the earth with the Milky Way stretched out, reflecting over the water. Wow.
David had a very infected tooth pulled out and we are hoping the infection has caused the headaches and that all will subside. He said that death has been dancing in the trees outside, not menacing, just there.
My dearest friend, Ani, picked me up from the train station in Eugene. She took me to sit with a friend whose father was dying. Oh my goodness. I went right in to introduce myself and let him hear my voice. Looking at him, I saw colors I didn’t expect in unusual places: lots of dark yellow around the heart with a tiny pink core of lace around the edges of the heart, blue in his gut and red-brown in his head area. “Was he an angry man?” I asked. Yes. I asked to release his worldly burden from his shoulders and as those were released, life’s experiences were drawn into his heart and his heart let go of the sorrow-full yellow and the pink glowed brighter and puffier. There was a black writhing energy showing itself coming out of the gut. I teased it out and offered it as energy to the Earth Mother. As his daughter came in the room, a light shot out of her 3rd chakra to his 3rd chakra and I understood that her energy was holding him here and pulling on him. No wonder she was exhausted. This happened every time she came in and it seemed to me that it was causing him to stay embodied longer than needed. She constantly called to him to acknowledge that she was there by squeezing her hand, which he did, and then to indicate if he was in pain by another squeeze… Which he never did. I suggested she sit with him 2 full hours and tell him everything she could think of. She let out the love when she was with him; but she was also full the anger and pain of growing up with him. She let that out with us.
The next morning, much had shifted. He was peacefully in his deathing process. There was no more squeezing. His colors were swirling. An energy came into his crown and went to his throat and swirled like a whirlpool there. From the throat, the energy moved and then made a figure eight in his 2nd chakra. When it left there, it went to his kidneys moving in circles around each one. Then everything stopped. I felt that was all for now. The daughter was so full of her own pain that she saw pain on the same face that I saw total peace. She was insistent that morphine and tranquilizers be given to him each night. So, who was it for?
That night Ani and I went to Nicky Scully’s once a month open house. Nicky leads trips to Egypt and writes books on it too. Who better to ask about the ankh? As I pick it up, I hear, “Ask her to activate it.” So she does, then rubs a beautiful oil into it. I receive it back and she suggests we have a journey on Friday.
We go back to the friend and her dying father. We find him at that place in the deathing journey where you feel that it might be forever, yet you know it can’t be. I spoke to the daughter about how death creates our birth and how allowing him to die a conscious death without drugs would offer him a birth without drugs; but she was defensive and said that she was going to do what the hospice team said, drug him. Her daddy left his body Thursday evening at 7pm. What he showed me two days before would help many others. What she showed me was the answer to a question I had long held.
I understood C-sections better now. I felt this was a C-section death. Just like so many C-section births: this was a death that did not consider the “baby,” but more the caregiver’s needs. He did not need her pulling him back to comfort herself. He could have gone quite consciously had the caregiver not been in such fear, he did not need to wait for her schedule. Nor did he need the morphine. On one hand she was exhausted from the three weeks of constant care, but she did not attend to her own inner work, that would have freed him in a more conscious death, and therefore a clear and conscious birth. Oh, that we do our own work. Help us truly see who the one before us and not our own pain.
It all started the 3rd week in August when I was at Tara Camp. Bonnie asked me what the vision of Sacred Birthing was. I described seeing a community of little round houses or pods where someone was waiting to be born or to die in each. She asked, “So you work in death too?” “No.” I said, “That has not opened up yet…” Well, that night came the download. I was to help people make a conscious choice to pass without the body needing to be decrepit, turning off the organs in a certain progression. I was shown there were many, many people who were in continual excruciating pain yet they could not let go and die. I could help that process happen so that the aura of a city would not hold such pain. This was necessary before Master Souls would be born here.
The morning before I left Kauai, I sat on the beach with old friends, Peggy and Joe. Peggy channels Sananda/Magdelen and Joe channels dirty jokes. This morning she was feeling a presence as we sat down on the beach. In came Thoth, who let her know that the ankh she was given more than five years ago was to be passed on to me. The ankh had been sitting in her glass living room table. It was carved from wood by a man under the guidance of Sai Ma, who told the man it was not his personal offering but was to go to Peggy on Kauai when it was completed. The ankh did not mean much to Peggy, other than as an Egyptian symbol of life, so she knew she would be it’s keeper until for it’s rightful owner appeared. The ankh did not mean much to me either; however, I knew something was cooking when I learned that the man who carved it was the same man who gave me herpes 11 years ago. I knew then, “This is my ankh and it is important,” for I had been consciously working to dis-create the dis-ease for the last year and a half.
Two hours before getting to the airport, a neighbor’s husband who had Parkinson’s Disease died. I walked in on her when still in her altered state and she told me about his death and how they had practiced for it the last 2 years so that he could leave his body through his crown. Hearing her story made it very real that my work had begun. I rendezvoused with Peggy and Joe to receive the ankh, and got on the red-eye to Seattle follwed by a train to Eugene to sleep it off.