birth – Sacred Birthing

"Baby's birth time determines a lifetime. By honoring labor as and when it presents, we honor and protect the timing of birth chosen by this soul."

Sacred Birthing Insight

Placenta Stories & Lotus Birth Tales: Aboriginal Wisdom

In Aboriginal wisdom, the placenta is always buried – given back to the Earth, to let Her know that a baby has been born and, by its blood, who this baby is. In the early years, all the mothers and grandmothers of the tribe guide the growing child. Then, when a child is an adolescent, the first blood or first seed is also given to the Earth, buried in a handkerchief. The child steps away from the guidance of the mothers, into the guidance of the Earth Mother, who now begins to oversee the child to become what his/her soul intended by incarnating. Life circumstances are created by the Earth to help this child become who s/he means to be.

Without burying the placenta, Earth Mother would not know a child had been born; She would not know to cherish the baby in the years after birth, and from adolescence, the child would flounder without Her guidance. How could a child ever become what her soul intended and grow to fulfill the need of the village and the universe without this guidance from Earth Mother? This is the importance of the placenta to the child’s whole life.

The Aboriginals see energy. They paint with dots to express what is emanating from the world of nature, rather than to express its form. They see and know that the stars above and the Earth below work together to guide and guard each child. We of the white world have a rudimentary respect and understanding of astronomy, but their star-wisdom is embedded in them and they remember they come from the stars. They remember their purpose in coming to Earth was to hold 7^th dimensional wisdom. They remember how to live together in society, honoring each one’s gifts and individuality; how to heal; how to travel; how to be self-sufficient so they don’t need to play the money game. We belittle them as being barbaric, yet they have abilities we have lost and need.

At all times they are in intimate communication with each other, the animal, plant and mineral kingdoms, the weather, the stars and the planets. They know how to access the answers they need and their requests are heard and fulfilled. Their dancing may look funny to us, but is purposeful: it communicates with the Earth and nourishes Her with each rhythm. The dances result in altered states that maintain open-heartedness, their continual communion with All That Is.

Therefore, it only makes sense to look most deeply into Aboriginal wisdom when it comes to the placenta. Blood wisdom is inherent in the placenta. A mixture of mother-father blood went into the creation of baby and placenta, and now, when its job is complete, the blood carries this wealth of information into the Earth. What is really happening with the burying of body fluids? The DNA tells the Earth on what stage this child plays. Who is this child? What consciousness does she carry? How must she be celebrated in her village to be who she is to be?

Another cultural difference in our childrearing is that parents with discordant patterns from their own childhood are not responsible for raising this child. Mama Earth who has known this being through all time sees the bigger picture and offers each next opportunity to become all she is meant to be this lifetime. Parents give way to the lessons of The Mother, releasing their overlays from the child. Without the limiting matrix of the parents’ belief systems that a child typically takes on as her own identity, she is free to become what her soul intends. In this way, successive generations grow healthier.

Placenta Stories & Lotus Birth Tales: Kauai’s Little Miracle

I had found a special tree to plant on my big naked lawn, a 12 foot Kauai Camphor tree that smelled wonderful, with beautiful bright shiny leaves and white bark, and who would someday grow to have a huge spreading crown, almost as big as a Banyan tree. Knowing I bought this tree, a mother asked me if her daughter’s placenta, frozen for over 4 years, could be buried under this tree, as they did not feel that it belonged at their rented home. So we planned to plant them both at the Monday afternoon meditation. When 23 people showed up instead of 6 or 8, it emphasized how very important this ancient ritual is.

The placenta belonged to a four year old, a fiery redhead who often threw angry tantrums and would cry for unknown reasons. Naps were nonexistent and sleep was constantly disturbed. She would strike out and nobody could figure out what she needed. Both parents were at their wits end, knowing how tormented she was and not knowing how to help.

The family had prepared baskets of different colored flower petals for their placenta celebration, pink, red and white from roses, and yellow and orange from marigolds. The hole was dug, the placenta laid down, the tree placed on top and the soil packed around it. One parent spoke about her birth and one about how happy they were to finally place the placenta in the Earth. The little redhead sprinkled petals decorating the base of the tree, and everyone else added more handfuls of color. As we backed away from the tree, a mighty energy let us know we had done something important. Something had been accomplished but we didn’t know what.

The next meditations brought reports that this little girl had started sleeping through the night: before this, she had slept through the night only one time in over four years. Planting her placenta had somehow anchored her enough to let her rest. And, in the next 9 months, what had created such anger, also eased and she seemed much more at peace.

I felt it was so appropriate for this little one’s placenta to be beneath a Camphor Tree: Camphor is the substance used to burn away negativity in Pujas. This tree seemed to be her homeopathic similar – Like cures Like. And it worked.

All Birth Is Sacred

Why does a birth unfold the way it does? Why are some birth easy, flowing to a climax with the baby sliding into mom’s waiting arms and others filled with fear, unexpected detours, trauma for mom and baby, separations and seemingly endless hours, days, weeks, months or even years of trying to figure out what went wrong. When we see all births as sacred there may be an easier way through these questions to a place of peace no matter how the birth unfolded. There is no wrong way, only the path to the unfolding of a new life.

We all, the women of this earth, come to birthing with an inner knowing that will lead to birthing the future. However, along the way, maybe even generations back this inner knowing was blocked, pushed underneath consciousness, or momentarily forgotten. As we are waking up and remembering the ways of our ancestors we may feel cheated, wronged, guilty, sad or darn right angry about the way a birth unfolds. And yet in this unfolding are rich and very powerful lessons that the birth has brought. Can you find the teachings in the planned homebirth that ended up in the hospital with a cesarean birth? Or the baby that came early and had to spend the first week or more of her life in the newborn nursery? And, what about the baby that was “too big” to fit through mom’s body, or the baby that did not arrive on time – two weeks late and was then coaxed out with synthetic drugs, or the baby that died during the journey or shortly after – are these not as sacred as the baby who arrives on time, was the correct weight – not too big not too small – without the use of drugs, and is thriving in your arms?

What is the birth story telling us? I could stay stuck in the trauma of an unwished for birth outcome or I can accept the sacredness of birth, all birth, and love who I am as the person who gave birth to the future. I can let go of the ideal and fall in love with the person I am and the baby I created and gave birth to. I can go deep to my core essence and discover that the birth I had with this baby was perfect and unique and brought us both, me and baby to a place of understanding who we are and the power and beauty that always surrounds the birth time.

Telling your baby his story in all its glory, which includes the fear and trauma, will easily bring baby to a place of acceptance and understanding that she is pure light and nothing less. This pure light came from you, the mother giving birth, and is thus a reflection of who you are. See the birth as a time to undo the past and believing that birth is anything but sacred and perfect, and move once again into the place of inner knowing, the mother wisdom that so perfectly orchestras each and every birth. Let go of the fear, the doubt, the guilt, the blame, and see yourself as the pure love and light that radiates from your baby.

Trying to figure out why is exhausting and will only diminish your love and light. Knowing that all birth is sacred and unfolds in its own time in its own perfection will allow you to accept your own love, the love you have for your baby, and the birth that was. Become a willing participant in this life knowing that you have all you need to create birth and love the child that is put into your arms. When all birth is seen as sacred the birth process is secondary – this is your story, your truth for this birth and will lead you to even more truth as you maybe prepare for the birth of another child and this birth to, will unfold in unique perfection.

As I write these words I am filled with wonder as I discover that my birth was sacred. The moment that I arrived in this world was a sacred moment. I have never though of my birth in this way, and this changes a lot for me. It does not matter that my mother was heavily drugged with ether which means that I also was unconscious when I arrived, this was a sacred birth. It doesn’t matter that I was pulled out with forceps and taken to a newborn nursery for ten days while my mother and I both recovered from this birth, this was a sacred birth. She was allowed to see me every 4 hours and I was briefly held then returned to the nursery. Did this cause harm to me? Probably, but at the time no one thought that the way a baby comes into the world really mattered. I was breathing and my physical needs were being met – I was being feed and kept in a clean diaper. My mother was being looked after and all was fine. I was harmed by this birth, but I was loved and both my mother and father, with the help of grandparents did the best they could to raise me to be a loving and kind person in this world. It may have been easier for me if I had been given my birth story right away instead of having to dig back on my own to finally find the details that then helped make sense out of my life. My life long message of “you are on your own kid” would not have been imprinted so deeply into my core and I could have moved forward faster and easier. None of this takes away from the truth of my birth – it was a sacred event, and finally knowing this eases the pain around the events of my birth. I, as all of us are, am a sacred child of the universe.

I can also look at the births of my own children as sacred moments. My first son was born with ease in a small rural hospital with little interference. I was moved from a labor room to a delivery room and in the process discovered the mother bear that resided in me. They tried to give me gas as they were wheeling me to the delivery room, but I hit the nurse who was putting the mask on my face and that was the end of the “let’s get her drugged and ready for birthing” phase of my first birth. My son was born and about 4 hours later I went home. This was a sacred birth.

The birth of my second son was different. He was born in a large metropolitan hospital and I was all alone. Husbands were not allowed in and mothers were isolated in small labor rooms then transported to a delivery room. I was given demoral during the labor then put under with gas as he was being born. He was pulled from me with forceps and taken to a nursery. I did not see him for hours and then only briefly. During the two days that I stayed in the hospital he was brought to me for feedings then taken away. A month after this birth it was discovered that he had a condition called pyloric stenosis and taken back to the hospital for surgery to open up the pyloric value into his stomach. Did this happen because of the birth? I don’t know. Did the problems that he had all through school stem from this birth experience? I don’t know. Did I harm my child? This is a difficult question for a mother to answer, but I do now know that this was a sacred birth. I did not intentionally harm him. I did not have enough information about giving birth at that time in my life, and trusted in the medical system that said they knew best. I do know that his birth was a sacred birth and that telling him his story has helped him to understand his life better and to find ways though and around the challenges he has had to face. I have suffered through pangs of guilt as I learn more and more about birth and then believe that I harmed my baby. I have let go of this guilt as it is a useless emotion. I did what I knew was the best for me and my baby at that time in my life. Today I know so much more and would not go back to that kind of a birthing situation. Did I harm my children – no I did not – their births were sacred and unfolded in perfection, and we have all found a place of unconditional love for each other because of the way the births unfolded.

Becoming a Sacred Birthing Community Doula: My First Birth

My name is Sharon Gonsalves and I attended the Sacred Birthing Foundation’s Doula Training Program from January through April 2009. Barbara Essman was the lead instructor and author/founder/midwife Sunni Karll was very instrumental in delivering the training. There were about 10 women in the class and I learned so much from each one. Many had had their own babies and others were preparing for motherhood or healing from their own births and childhood experiences. I wasn’t sure if I’d follow through and complete the certification requirements, but once I attended my first birth I was sure I wanted to serve the community as a doula.

I had conversations with two different expectant moms before finding my first doula client. I learned in the training that it’s important that a doula be a good fit for the couple who she’ll be assisting. Although I was disappointed that those first two nibbles did not pan out, I was really happy when I found someone who definitely wanted to work with me and invited me to her birth.

My client, Joanna, was relatively new on Kauai, had 2 grown children and was about 7 months pregnant when we first met. She moved here from Denver, where she says 65% of births are attended by doulas. Doulas are not very common yet on Kauai and we’re having to educate the community about what a doula is and how having a doula can really help ease the birth process. Joanna was very sure that she wanted a doula at her birth and was planning to give birth at the Waimea Family Birth Center at KVMH. She and her husband would be attending childbirth classes at KVMH and they invited me to join them which I did.

Joanna was very clear that she wanted a natural birth without drugs. Her first 2 were natural – one at a birth center and one in a hospital – and while she knew she was able to give birth on her own, one labor went very long and she was concerned that might happen again.

As Joanna’s due date approached, we talked on the phone once a week just to check in about how close it might be and how she was feeling. Then one morning at 4:15am I got a phone call from Joanna’s husband. They were at the hospital and labor had begun. It was time for me to join them.

I showered and dressed and before getting in the car I turned on my computer and sent an email to a list of Joanna’s friends to let them know that baby Leila was on her way. I asked them to please keep the family in their thoughts. On the way to the hospital I called in all my guides and helpers, and asked spirit to surround the birth team with support.

When I arrived at KVMH, the hospital staff was expecting me and the nurses, doctor and especially Joanna and her husband, Michael, were happy to see me. Joanna was tired. She’d been up all night and was walking to keep her labor progressing. At last check she was 5 centimeters dilated and 60% effaced. Her contractions were a few minutes apart. I gave her lots of encouragement as she and her husband and I walked the halls stopping for every contraction. While she leaned on Michael, I gave her some back relief by pushing her hip bones together allowing more rooms for baby’s head to move down. We spent most of the next several hours this way. I gave Joanna water to drink after each contraction as they made her very thirsty. Periodically the doctor checked her progress. She stayed at 6 centimeters dilated for a while as she became more effaced. Her waters were broken to help keep things moving along. When she was hooked up to a monitor for a few minutes we could all hear the baby’s heart beat – the first time I’d heard that sound. No signs of distress at all.

Contractions were getting stronger and Joanna was getting more uncomfortable and more tired. She labored on a birthing ball for awhile, resting between contractions. I saw ‘bloody show’ for the first time and finally understood what that was. I suggested she try laboring in the shower for a while to see if the hot water would help her relax a bit. After her shower she labored in bed for a bit, actually sleeping between contractions as she was thoroughly exhausted. She was now almost fully effaced. Within an hour she went from 6 to 9 centimeters dilated, then things started happening pretty fast.

Joanna started feeling the urge to push and she seemed a little scared. Her contractions were becoming more painful and she said she didn’t want to do this any more. She wanted drugs. This was our clue that the baby would be here really soon.

In the doula class I learned that often as women progress through labor they start saying “oh God, please help me”. Then they start asking for drugs. Then they push and the baby is born and they are totally in love with their child. Well, in this case that’s exactly what happened.

So the urge to push set the hospital staff in motion. The bed was readied. The doctor’s instruments were laid out. The lights were turned on and the doctor was in position to catch Leila as she entered the world. Joanna was sitting up at about a 45 degree angle, and Michael and I stayed on either side of the bed and told her what a great job she was doing. One of the nurses coached her through the pushing – chin to her chest, hands behind her knees. I let one of the nurses know that they’d been doing perineal massage to stretch her tissues and no episiotomy was performed. Within 3-5 pushes the baby was out and Leila was on her mom’s chest.

The actual birth was the most intense time for me. I didn’t want to look between Joanna’s legs at all. I just wanted to stay right at her shoulder encouraging and supporting her. The pushing was a bit uncomfortable for Joanna and the nurses were so great in the way they coached her to push into the burning sensation that was making her hesitate. She did great and I was really happy for her that things had gone so well. Leila was born at 11:26 am September 13.

Then came the really cool part. Joanna and Michael met their daughter for the first time in the light of day and they loved her. Meanwhile, the doctor prepared the cord for cutting (which dad was invited to do), then he put some gentle pressure on the umbilical cord and placed a pan at the end of the bed to catch the placenta. Within about 20 minutes after the birth, a placenta the size of a very large grapefruit was expelled along with more fluid from the uterus. Wow! Fascinating!

The hospital staff cleaned up in a flash and mom, dad and baby got acquainted. Mom was encouraged to breast feed which would start the uterus contracting to stop any bleeding from the placenta detaching from the uterine wall. Baby latched on right away – a successful beginning to a new relationship.

At this point I made myself scarce so that very important initial bonding could take place. Before leaving the room, doc gave me a ‘thumbs up’ which brought tears to my eyes. Everything went really smoothly.

I felt really welcomed by the hospital staff and very high from the whole experience. Some of the staff had met Barbara and Ronda when they visited the Family Birth Center a few weeks before. This really made me feel good, being associated with a group that intended to work together with a hospital to ease baby’s transitions and support mom, dad and hospital staff through the birth process. It felt like a good beginning for all of us.

Ginger & Lilly Dawn’s Birth Experience

11/2/09 Tonight Ginger noticed a lot more moisture coming from her vagina, wetting her pants. After needing to change her clothes twice, she put on a pad. On the toilet, she saw some tan-ish mucous. She also felt some new discomfort in her lower back and pelvis. It didn’t take us too long to clue into that either her water had broken or her mucous plug had released or both.

Full Moon 11/3/09, 12:30am Ginger came to tell me her labor had begun. I moved into Lily’s room to be closer while Ginger experienced the acceleration of her surges. Partner Colin slept but there was not sleep for Ginger or me. Midwife Ruth told Ginger to meet her at 5am based on Ginger’s surge timing and intensity.

5am: Colin, Ginger and I go to the Birth Center. Ginger’s step-dad Steve was there to meet us. Midwife Ruth checked and found Ginger only 80% effaced with nearly no dilation. Her cervix was still facing more towards her back and baby was posterior. Ruth sent us all home (30 minutes away) Ginger was somewhat disappointed but meeting it.

8:25 am Surges were approximately 1 minute 15 seconds in duration and 4 ¾ minutes apart. Midwife Ruth was called, a message was left. She called back shortly and said we could come to the center if we wanted. The Center’s Clinic was opening around then so Ruth would be there. The ride was really hard for Ginger. She started the ride lying in my lap but the Honda was small and she couldn’t stretch out so soon she was sitting up.

We arrived at the Birth Center around 9am. Upon checking Ging’, Ruth told her she was only 3cm and that she couldn’t officially admit her. She said that since the clinic was now open, Ginger could choose to stay but at the close of clinic at 2 pm, she would have to leave if she wasn’t progressed enough. Ginger chose to stay but Steve went and got a hotel room in case Ging’ would need to leave and so she wouldn’t have to travel far again.

Ginger chose to get into the shower first. When she got out and a surge would come on, she got onto her hands and knees. She then labored on the bed for a while in the lateral or side position. She had chosen to bring some music that I gave to her when she was a baby and that she listened to at bedtime all through her growing up. “Fairy Ring” was the background music for this beautiful birthing. Jackie came in after a while and told Ginger she should get up and walk. I had said the same thing but I could see that coming from Jackie had more clout. Ginger went outside on that beautiful Fall day and walked the rolling lawns around the birth center. It was a lovely area with lots of trees. One huge Oak that overhung the Center was the perfect guardian as it looked to me like the “tree of life” image of the placenta. Ginger and Colin went outside and walked and labored together. Ginger either hung on Colin or went to her knees when a surge came on. They were outside for about a half hour. They were so beautiful to watch! Steve and I held back taking pictures.

Back inside, Ginger had on one of Colin’s COD shirts (all the men on his father’s side of the family had initials COD). She lay on the bed again and labored for a couple of hours. At some point during this time, Ginger required someone; Colin or me, to lay a hand on a particular spot on her lower back as soon as she felt a surge coming on. She could have no pressure but needed the hand on a very specific spot, just lightly but perfectly placed. Ginger’s labor was hard and pretty painful but she kept her focus and labored really well. She toned through many surges and when tensing, was responsive to mine or Colin’s light touchmassage and reminders to relax.

Grandpa Steve was on camera duty throughout the labor; both video and stills.

Around 12:45pm. I looked at Ginger and saw her energy flattening out, the skin below her eyes turning dark and something in me spoke loud and clear “if Ginger isn’t going to have to leave, she’s got to rally and put all her power, body and intention into bringing Lily into position, opening her cervix and moving Lily down. I had suggested she change positions several time before, but Ginger had not been responsive to my suggestions. I felt a familiar inhibition in speaking with authority to Ginger; a life-time dynamic between us. This time, I stepped over that pattern and put clarity and power behind my words; telling her exactly what I was seeing and what she needed to do. Ginger heard me and responded. She got up, went into the other room and tried numerous positions for turning Lily, creating space and using gravity so that Lily could move down.

About 30 minutes into this, Ruth came in to check on Ginger. She asked Ginger what she was experiencing and from Ruth’s words, it seemed that she thought Ginger was not progressing that much. Ruth spoke again about the possibility of needing to leave. She watched Ginger through several surges and at one point asked Ginger if she was feeling some bearing down sensation in her surges. Ginger wasn’t sure.

Ruth left, going back into the clinic portion of the center. Ginger continued to labor. The position that worked best for her through most of this time was on her hands and knees; still with a hand needed on her lower back.

Just before 2pm, Ginger told me she felt Lily was coming and asked me to go get Ruth. I went into the center where Ruth was standing talking with Jackie. When she saw me, she said she’d be there in a moment. When she came in, she checked Ginger and was surprised to find Ginger over 8 cm. open.

Things started to happen fast then. Jackie came and joined us. When a surge came on then, they looked like huge waves; Ginger’s eyes got really big. Ruth instructed her to take a deep breath and exhale by blowing slowly out. It was clear; Ruth wanted to slow things down. She asked Ginger whether she still wanted a water birth as the tub would need to be filled, the water pressure was low and it would take a good half hour for the tub to be filled enough for her to get in. Ginger said yes, she wanted the tub. As they filled the tub, Ginger’s surges got bigger and she began to vomit with most of them. It was a very intense time! A couple of times, the bigness of the waves swept her up and she’d yell. Ruth and Jackie brought her back to blowing and she kept her focus. Amazing to watch her!

Finally the tub was ready and when Ginger got in, she felt more comfortable. (How nice it would have been for her to have gotten into the water a couple of hours earlier!) The next couple of surges went as they had on the bed; deep breath in with blowing exhale. Then Ruth gave Ginger the cue to go for it and push Lily out; to push only when she felt a surge and then push hard. Colin got into the water with Ginger and sat behind holding her for this time of pushing. Ginger followed her midwife and doula’s lead to push rather than the HypnoBirthing way of breathing her baby down and out. She pushed well.

We watched Lily crown in the step fashion; a little forward and than moving back; each time moving forward and out a little more. Ginger reached down twice and felt Lily’s head. That brought on such a wonderful smile to her face. This pushing phase only lasted about 15 minutes before Lily was born. We saw she had a good head of light colored hair. She had some cord around her neck that she rolled out of in the water. She was pretty quickly put onto Ginger’s chest and her nose and throat were suctioned with a bulb syringe. Ruth didn’t want the placenta to be born in the water and got Ginger out of the water pretty quickly; less that 5 minutes after the birth. Ginger was compliant and got out and back onto the bed. Mommy and Daddy and all of us were so very happy! And Lily was doing really well. She did squawk with the suctioning but settled down well. She was very present and quiet; taking in her new world, especially her Mom and Dad. She had a lot of thick vernix on her skin and a little bit of merconium had been seen at the birth but no problems arose. She has beautiful red hair!

Ruth waited what I would consider an extremely minimal time before having Colin cut the cord. She said the pulsing had stopped and Lily showed no reaction to the cutting. She breathed well right from the start.

With the help of Colin stimulating Ginger’s nipple, the placenta was birthed shortly after the cord was cut (maybe 10 minutes after) and was in perfect shape.

Lily latched on well after about a half hour of birth. Nurse Bethany helped Ginger with the latching and positioning.

Everyone was high and happy and Lily was alert and peaceful.
Ginger and partner Colin with newborn Lilly Dawn
We left the Birth Center around 5:15 pm. The car seat we had was not set up right and really was imperfect for a newborn. Colin did his best to secure the seat which satisfied the Birth Center Folks. Our plan had always been to leave the Birth Center with Lily in the seat for the sake of the birth center folks and then take Lily out of it around the corner so Ginger could hold her for the ride home. This is what we did.

My brother Doug just happened to be in Sacramento that day. In fact, before the birth, we had scheduled to get together with him the following day. He called while we were still at the Birth Center to tell us he wouldn’t be able to see us the next day and it needed to be that day. I informed him that Lily had just been born. He was astounded at the timing and so happy! He is one of Ginger’s favorite people and so he was privileged to be invited to meet us at the house to meet Lily Dawn.

At the house, Colin’s Brother Cliff and Dad Cliff Senior were waiting to meet Lily. Uncle Doug came shortly thereafter and everyone was high in the birth bubble energy. The Cliffs went out to dinner and a movie and Doug stayed for a nice long visit. He and I then went out for dinner and to bring food home to the new Mom and Dad. The new little family was all sound asleep by the time we returned.

NOTE: It was clearly the best option to birth at the Birth Center; all things considered. Though Ginger would have liked to have had a home birth, Colin was not familiar or comfortable with that idea. Also, The Birth Center took MediCal, so that was a great plus. All went well. The main thing we would have liked different is the midwife being more connected to the labor. Her judgment about Ginger not progressing wasn’t accurate and if it weren’t for me and Steve and Colin being there to hold the energy, it would have been much more challenging for Ginger. It certainly reflects how important and beneficial it is to have a doula and a loving and attuned birth companion present at a birth. Bottom line ~ it was a wonderful birth! Thanks to all. Well done new Momma!

Diary of a Spiritual Midwife (part 2)

My dearest friend, Ani, picked me up from the train station in Eugene. She took me to sit with a friend whose father was dying. Oh my goodness. I went right in to introduce myself and let him hear my voice. Looking at him, I saw colors I didn’t expect in unusual places: lots of dark yellow around the heart with a tiny pink core of lace around the edges of the heart, blue in his gut and red-brown in his head area. “Was he an angry man?” I asked. Yes. I asked to release his worldly burden from his shoulders and as those were released, life’s experiences were drawn into his heart and his heart let go of the sorrow-full yellow and the pink glowed brighter and puffier. There was a black writhing energy showing itself coming out of the gut. I teased it out and offered it as energy to the Earth Mother. As his daughter came in the room, a light shot out of her 3rd chakra to his 3rd chakra and I understood that her energy was holding him here and pulling on him. No wonder she was exhausted. This happened every time she came in and it seemed to me that it was causing him to stay embodied longer than needed. She constantly called to him to acknowledge that she was there by squeezing her hand, which he did, and then to indicate if he was in pain by another squeeze… Which he never did. I suggested she sit with him 2 full hours and tell him everything she could think of. She let out the love when she was with him; but she was also full the anger and pain of growing up with him. She let that out with us.

The next morning, much had shifted. He was peacefully in his deathing process. There was no more squeezing. His colors were swirling. An energy came into his crown and went to his throat and swirled like a whirlpool there. From the throat, the energy moved and then made a figure eight in his 2nd chakra. When it left there, it went to his kidneys moving in circles around each one. Then everything stopped. I felt that was all for now. The daughter was so full of her own pain that she saw pain on the same face that I saw total peace. She was insistent that morphine and tranquilizers be given to him each night. So, who was it for?

That night Ani and I went to Nicky Scully’s once a month open house. Nicky leads trips to Egypt and writes books on it too. Who better to ask about the ankh? As I pick it up, I hear, “Ask her to activate it.” So she does, then rubs a beautiful oil into it. I receive it back and she suggests we have a journey on Friday.

We go back to the friend and her dying father. We find him at that place in the deathing journey where you feel that it might be forever, yet you know it can’t be. I spoke to the daughter about how death creates our birth and how allowing him to die a conscious death without drugs would offer him a birth without drugs; but she was defensive and said that she was going to do what the hospice team said, drug him. Her daddy left his body Thursday evening at 7pm. What he showed me two days before would help many others. What she showed me was the answer to a question I had long held.

I understood C-sections better now. I felt this was a C-section death. Just like so many C-section births: this was a death that did not consider the “baby,” but more the caregiver’s needs. He did not need her pulling him back to comfort herself. He could have gone quite consciously had the caregiver not been in such fear, he did not need to wait for her schedule. Nor did he need the morphine. On one hand she was exhausted from the three weeks of constant care, but she did not attend to her own inner work, that would have freed him in a more conscious death, and therefore a clear and conscious birth. Oh, that we do our own work. Help us truly see who the one before us and not our own pain.

Diary of a Spiritual Midwife (part 1)

It all started the 3rd week in August when I was at Tara Camp. Bonnie asked me what the vision of Sacred Birthing was. I described seeing a community of little round houses or pods where someone was waiting to be born or to die in each. She asked, “So you work in death too?” “No.” I said, “That has not opened up yet…” Well, that night came the download. I was to help people make a conscious choice to pass without the body needing to be decrepit, turning off the organs in a certain progression. I was shown there were many, many people who were in continual excruciating pain yet they could not let go and die. I could help that process happen so that the aura of a city would not hold such pain. This was necessary before Master Souls would be born here.

The morning before I left Kauai, I sat on the beach with old friends, Peggy and Joe. Peggy channels Sananda/Magdelen and Joe channels dirty jokes. This morning she was feeling a presence as we sat down on the beach. In came Thoth, who let her know that the ankh she was given more than five years ago was to be passed on to me. The ankh had been sitting in her glass living room table. It was carved from wood by a man under the guidance of Sai Ma, who told the man it was not his personal offering but was to go to Peggy on Kauai when it was completed. The ankh did not mean much to Peggy, other than as an Egyptian symbol of life, so she knew she would be it’s keeper until for it’s rightful owner appeared. The ankh did not mean much to me either; however, I knew something was cooking when I learned that the man who carved it was the same man who gave me herpes 11 years ago. I knew then, “This is my ankh and it is important,” for I had been consciously working to dis-create the dis-ease for the last year and a half.

Two hours before getting to the airport, a neighbor’s husband who had Parkinson’s Disease died. I walked in on her when still in her altered state and she told me about his death and how they had practiced for it the last 2 years so that he could leave his body through his crown. Hearing her story made it very real that my work had begun. I rendezvoused with Peggy and Joe to receive the ankh, and got on the red-eye to Seattle follwed by a train to Eugene to sleep it off.