trauma – Sacred Birthing

"All birth is sacred. Each birth is unique and unfolds in its perfection."

Sacred Birthing Insight

All Birth Is Sacred

Why does a birth unfold the way it does? Why are some birth easy, flowing to a climax with the baby sliding into mom’s waiting arms and others filled with fear, unexpected detours, trauma for mom and baby, separations and seemingly endless hours, days, weeks, months or even years of trying to figure out what went wrong. When we see all births as sacred there may be an easier way through these questions to a place of peace no matter how the birth unfolded. There is no wrong way, only the path to the unfolding of a new life.

We all, the women of this earth, come to birthing with an inner knowing that will lead to birthing the future. However, along the way, maybe even generations back this inner knowing was blocked, pushed underneath consciousness, or momentarily forgotten. As we are waking up and remembering the ways of our ancestors we may feel cheated, wronged, guilty, sad or darn right angry about the way a birth unfolds. And yet in this unfolding are rich and very powerful lessons that the birth has brought. Can you find the teachings in the planned homebirth that ended up in the hospital with a cesarean birth? Or the baby that came early and had to spend the first week or more of her life in the newborn nursery? And, what about the baby that was “too big” to fit through mom’s body, or the baby that did not arrive on time – two weeks late and was then coaxed out with synthetic drugs, or the baby that died during the journey or shortly after – are these not as sacred as the baby who arrives on time, was the correct weight – not too big not too small – without the use of drugs, and is thriving in your arms?

What is the birth story telling us? I could stay stuck in the trauma of an unwished for birth outcome or I can accept the sacredness of birth, all birth, and love who I am as the person who gave birth to the future. I can let go of the ideal and fall in love with the person I am and the baby I created and gave birth to. I can go deep to my core essence and discover that the birth I had with this baby was perfect and unique and brought us both, me and baby to a place of understanding who we are and the power and beauty that always surrounds the birth time.

Telling your baby his story in all its glory, which includes the fear and trauma, will easily bring baby to a place of acceptance and understanding that she is pure light and nothing less. This pure light came from you, the mother giving birth, and is thus a reflection of who you are. See the birth as a time to undo the past and believing that birth is anything but sacred and perfect, and move once again into the place of inner knowing, the mother wisdom that so perfectly orchestras each and every birth. Let go of the fear, the doubt, the guilt, the blame, and see yourself as the pure love and light that radiates from your baby.

Trying to figure out why is exhausting and will only diminish your love and light. Knowing that all birth is sacred and unfolds in its own time in its own perfection will allow you to accept your own love, the love you have for your baby, and the birth that was. Become a willing participant in this life knowing that you have all you need to create birth and love the child that is put into your arms. When all birth is seen as sacred the birth process is secondary – this is your story, your truth for this birth and will lead you to even more truth as you maybe prepare for the birth of another child and this birth to, will unfold in unique perfection.

As I write these words I am filled with wonder as I discover that my birth was sacred. The moment that I arrived in this world was a sacred moment. I have never though of my birth in this way, and this changes a lot for me. It does not matter that my mother was heavily drugged with ether which means that I also was unconscious when I arrived, this was a sacred birth. It doesn’t matter that I was pulled out with forceps and taken to a newborn nursery for ten days while my mother and I both recovered from this birth, this was a sacred birth. She was allowed to see me every 4 hours and I was briefly held then returned to the nursery. Did this cause harm to me? Probably, but at the time no one thought that the way a baby comes into the world really mattered. I was breathing and my physical needs were being met – I was being feed and kept in a clean diaper. My mother was being looked after and all was fine. I was harmed by this birth, but I was loved and both my mother and father, with the help of grandparents did the best they could to raise me to be a loving and kind person in this world. It may have been easier for me if I had been given my birth story right away instead of having to dig back on my own to finally find the details that then helped make sense out of my life. My life long message of “you are on your own kid” would not have been imprinted so deeply into my core and I could have moved forward faster and easier. None of this takes away from the truth of my birth – it was a sacred event, and finally knowing this eases the pain around the events of my birth. I, as all of us are, am a sacred child of the universe.

I can also look at the births of my own children as sacred moments. My first son was born with ease in a small rural hospital with little interference. I was moved from a labor room to a delivery room and in the process discovered the mother bear that resided in me. They tried to give me gas as they were wheeling me to the delivery room, but I hit the nurse who was putting the mask on my face and that was the end of the “let’s get her drugged and ready for birthing” phase of my first birth. My son was born and about 4 hours later I went home. This was a sacred birth.

The birth of my second son was different. He was born in a large metropolitan hospital and I was all alone. Husbands were not allowed in and mothers were isolated in small labor rooms then transported to a delivery room. I was given demoral during the labor then put under with gas as he was being born. He was pulled from me with forceps and taken to a nursery. I did not see him for hours and then only briefly. During the two days that I stayed in the hospital he was brought to me for feedings then taken away. A month after this birth it was discovered that he had a condition called pyloric stenosis and taken back to the hospital for surgery to open up the pyloric value into his stomach. Did this happen because of the birth? I don’t know. Did the problems that he had all through school stem from this birth experience? I don’t know. Did I harm my child? This is a difficult question for a mother to answer, but I do now know that this was a sacred birth. I did not intentionally harm him. I did not have enough information about giving birth at that time in my life, and trusted in the medical system that said they knew best. I do know that his birth was a sacred birth and that telling him his story has helped him to understand his life better and to find ways though and around the challenges he has had to face. I have suffered through pangs of guilt as I learn more and more about birth and then believe that I harmed my baby. I have let go of this guilt as it is a useless emotion. I did what I knew was the best for me and my baby at that time in my life. Today I know so much more and would not go back to that kind of a birthing situation. Did I harm my children – no I did not – their births were sacred and unfolded in perfection, and we have all found a place of unconditional love for each other because of the way the births unfolded.

Pain & Childbirth

Words from Earth Mother

“Birth was never meant to be in pain. To give birth was a gift of love. So much has been forgotten because feminine wisdom was destroyed each time it grew to be threatening. Fear grew where wisdom abated. It was in this frame of mind that you were told, ‘birth is painful, for you have sinned.’

Can you let this go now? Can you see the context of that era and know that it is complete? Can you recreate another powerful statement to affirm the birth of your babies as the highest gift there is? Let them be brought forth in the joy and ecstasy of your fullness: ‘In joy all babies are born and in that joy we live.’ I am your Mother Earth. Hear Me.”

Excerpted from Sacred Birthing: Birthing A New Humanity by Sunni Karll page 136

Thirty one and twenty seven years ago, I gave birth to my 2 daughters in pain-free ecstasy. I had no idea then that what I had experienced was out of the norm for women of my culture. I only found that out after I began teaching HypnoBirthing Childbirth Education Classes years later. The birth research path this took me on revealed all too well how disconnected to themselves, nature and birth my sisters have become. For the past 10 years, I have taught childbirth preparation classes, first HypnoBirthing and now Sacred Birthing classes. In this time, I have seen the reversal of the belief that birth equals trauma and pain. Over and over, parents or individual women have reclaimed their innate birthright to birth with ease and empowerment. Many films now testify of this new trend as we watch couples and women, surrounded by other wise, loving, and supportive women, family and friends, give birth in the quiet of their own homes, in birthing centers and in hospitals. These births show the beauty and power and sanctity of birth as it always was before fear entered the birth arena hundreds of years ago.

A key element of a sacred birth without trauma and with greater ease is a woman or couple taking conscious responsibility for their birth experience. What does that mean? Ideally that means a couple go into conception, pregnancy and birth prepared for the transformation that childbirth is for all involved. The couple clear themselves energetically of fear, cultural misconceptions, personal traumas and negative imprinting that may have been held in mind or body. This allows the energy within them to flow clearly and at a vibrational level aligned with that of the soul wishing to incarnate into this life. The process of clearing the past is a huge gift to both baby and birthing mother because negativity held in the body is a fear resonance that constricts muscles and the flow of energy, blood and oxygen in the body which can all contribute to the creation complications and pain during the birth process.

Going into conception, pregnancy and birth being aware and practiced in healthful eating, physical fitness, meditation and other relaxation and self-realization aspects of life are also indicators of taking responsibility for conscious living and play their parts in creating an attuned, gentle birth.

Couples taking responsibility for their birth experience will also explore their birth choices around what practitioner, midwife, support persons and childbirth preparation classes best support their birthing vision. They will also explore where they will feel most comfortable giving birth: home, birth center or hospital. These steps take one to clarity, empowerment, confidence, and trust. Trust and love are the vibrations within the birth field of energy that engenders a truly natural and gentle birth experience.

The re-emergence of the role of Doula is a wonderful sign that our remembrance of birth is on the rise. A Doula is a trained birth assistant who reminds us of the community or village wise woman. Her place in birth is as mother/family focused pregnancy support, birth support and postpartum support. Doulas are there when questions arise about or during the birth process They are there when mothers or partners get anxious, or when something needs to be communicated to hospital, midwife or birth center staff, allowing the birthing mother to stay in her birth bubble undisturbed They can organize the family and friends of the birthing couple to have meals brought to the family, or errands run, or laundry cleaned after birth. Statistics show that the presence of a doula greatly reduces the rates of interventions and cesarean births. When a woman feels that level of personal support, her sense of empowerment rises greatly

Long, long ago, during the times when fear entered the birth chambers, midwifery was abolished. During the European inquisition, it became illegal for women to be attended in birth. Those, whose lives were centered on this ancient art, were either killed or went into hiding or disclaimed their professions. There is much to this story, but suffice it to say, it is still very difficult in most parts of this country, to be a midwife. There are more and more women stepping up to do this work, but with no support from community or state, it is still the rarity for women to have true information on the benefits of such support, and it is difficult for these services to be affordable for many families.

Looking to the midwifery model of childbirth is key to remembering and creating conscious, gentle birth. The rapport that comes from the deep relationship of family and birth care-provider makes a huge difference in a woman’s capacity to trust herself and birthing. Studying the difference between the medical model and the midwifery model, including the statistics, is an eye-opening way of preparing and empowering oneself in making the decisions that support the vision of the beauty of natural birth. This is not to negate the place of Doctors, medicine or hospitals in childbirth. They are important and have their place in the whole scheme of birth. There is simply work needing to be done to bring balance, truth, ease, empowerment, nature, ecstasy and sanctity back to birth in all arenas.

I have seen how the remembrance of birthing wisdom in a community can change the consciousness around birth all the way to the highly technical halls of modern hospitals. As women and families empower themselves to learn about birth, clear the misconceptions and fears around birth within themselves and their world and then insist on a different, more conscious and gentle way, the institutions shift as well. Sometimes that shift comes from the economics of watching women stay at home or go elsewhere to birth. In other instances, the shift comes when care providers witness empowered women or couples give birth gently and naturally. In many countries in the world, such as the Netherlands, Sweden and Norway, the great majority of births are accompanied by a midwife and happen in the comfort, safety and sanctity of the home, and this way is entirely supported by their political and economic structures. I very much look forward to the day when we can say the same about our United States. Again, this is up to individuals to step up and take responsibility for changing the face of birth.

There are many wonderful ways to create the inner and outer ambiance that allow for gentle birth. When we trust in our bodies and own inner wisdom, we find the birthing way that is true for us. It is important to allow for the individual qualities of each birth. This means to allow each birth to unfold in its own timing and form and allowing baby to lead the way in this regard. Birth has never been and never will be standardized. There are so many aspects of being that are unfolding in every birthing. To alter, add or subtract anything from the natural flow of each birth is to bring an intervention that can cause complications. Frequently the alterations come from a place of believing that we know better than Nature and Spirit how birth should unfold.

When birth happens with some or all of the pieces above mentioned in place, a woman can more easily let go to her birthing body. She may experience pain and she may not. In either case, she has within her the power to meet what comes and in so doing, finds new and expanded aspects of herself born with her baby. We are on the bridge of reclaiming birth. It is a powerful and vital place we stand. But every woman’s body knows how to birth as has every woman before her throughout time. Just like the other creatures of nature that birth without trauma, surrendered to the powerful life force pulsing through them, women everywhere have this innate ability.

Those who have looked deeply into the modernization of birth and the fear and expectations of pain around birth that has become prevalent in our society, can see how we create complications. The babies being birthed and hurt through these practices are teaching us not that we as women are innately flawed, but that we have forgotten our innate wholeness and connection to our bodies. These babies are pointing the way home to remembrance.

Diary of a Spiritual Midwife (part 5)

September 14, 2009

The lake is awesome, but you can only camp in a campground with others and I am looking for some silence. I go down to the river 2000 feet below and find a place that suits.

Last night, I went into the mountain as if going into a huge mansion. In each beautiful room was someone else incredible to meet. I was taken again to the ‘nursery’ of souls who would be incarnating consciously on Earth. There were hexagonal honey-bee like cells. An energetic glowing oval was in each cell. Each oval’s light would fade and as soon as it did, a great radiant being would come and direct her conscious love to that baby-being-to-be and once again it would glow radiantly. Then, she would move on to the next. At about 2 months incubation time, when the soul’s light no longer faded, it was ready to be implanted in a mother who would then conceive in another 2 months. I was told that at any time in this 4 month period… if a mother to be did not want to be pregnant… she would only need to clearly state this with her partner. Then, I stood with Lord Lento behind me and sent love to baby after baby. I understood and felt the vibrational precision of the quality of this love being sent to these energetic babies. What a big gift and incredible feeling! A most incredible experience and deep honor.

September 18, 2009

Morning meditation:

Of course birth is orgasmic! When the heart opens, the yoni opens. The throat’s opening is our work during pregnancy and the crown is opened by Divine Mother (whatever name you are most comfortable with,) at the time of birth. The first chakra only opens when it is safe, so our moms must be safe if birth is to happen. The third chakra is pacified by oxytocin. However, if there is not clarity between mother and her mother’s lineage, this chakra is in a holding pattern: Is it flowing? Is it closed? Does it clench down? When all is aligned and in sync, birth is as open as a woman ever is! It only happens when a woman feels safe. And then… of course birth is orgasmic!

I go up to hike in Shasta’s Panther Meadows and I speak to a woman who is just leaving. On discovering I am a midwife she says, “I had an orgasm with my second birth!” But her next statement was, “Birth is brutal!” She kept repeating the comment, so I asked her about it. I thought it interesting to put these two statements, orgasmic and brutal, together.

She began her story, “On the first birth, the baby was coming and they held me down to give me ether. I didn’t want ether. I didn’t need ether. It took four interns to hold me down so they could give me ether! I woke up hours later and had missed the whole birth. To this day, that baby is an angry man.” Her “baby” is now 60, and she is 84.

She goes on, “For the third baby, the doctor was not there yet. The nurse at the top of the gurney said to the other nurse, ‘just hold her legs together till the doctor gets here.’ I yelled at them, ‘If you so much as touch my legs, I will kick you!'” I could tell she felt pleased that she protected her baby, but she also didn’t have the uninterrupted spiritual space to really be with that birth. S he had had to be her own advocate/guardian. She had to be on the defense, and it took her out of being with her own experience.

It was the second baby that she gave birth to in the hall of the maternity ward without the staff knowing it, and this baby was born in the midst of bliss. She had heard on TV that there was such a thing as ‘orgasmic birth’ and she knew full well that she had had one. I was sorry to hear that although she had 3 very different experiences in birth, the one with most charge was the one that was ‘brutal’. What a sad state to be in… to never have her ‘sad birth’ integrated… even after 60 years! How many others are in this predicament?

Diary of a Spiritual Midwife (part 4)

My spirit loving, traveling gypsy of light, friend Celeste

September 12, 2009

Camping at Castle Lake. I meet up with Celeste, a gypsy for years, roving to various places in the country and out with many other single older women who move by the call of spirit. She answers some of the questions I have been sitting with regarding food and vibration- living on Light or becoming “White Fire,” as she calls it. This is how she does her inner work: she stops eating and lives on light, without even water. Then, as she takes in food or water again, she feels that it introduces the duality of the world and so she sees whatever comes up as her work at this level of vibration… that’s her inner work. I am especially interested in the idea that introducing water brings duality. She also said that if she is not drinking, she is warm. It is water that seems to put out her “fire.” Where are you now Celeste?

She hands me a fabulous book on birth trauma and the Reptilian brain! (Don’t you love how life is orchestrated?) Feelings Matter, Keys To The Unexplored Self, by Ceanne DeRohan 2007. This is the basis for all we do in Sacred Birthing and why we do it. The text is redundant, but she is making a string of points to understand the workings of the newborn brain and how important it is to fulfill the needs of a newborn in those first hours. A must read for all of us. We should carry it in the Birth Store.

Birth trauma is the imprinted road map to healing for this life, and it is what we must unwind before death. We connect to Divine Mind and discover Self Love when all is healed or; in the absence of trauma, we are Divine Mind and Self Love. What do we choose for our babies? What do we choose for our next lifetime?

Our ignorance of newborn trauma has created 3 generations ruled by their reptilian brains – competitive, aggressive and manipulative. It makes me want to cry. What can I do? For ourselves, we ask for Limbic renewal – a baseline of calm. For our babies, we explain and remind the parents about the importance of the fulfillment of all needs, and protect the space for parents to fulfill them.

There is an amazing part on Circumcision and how it debases the original harm at birth. It is crucial to men, far more than I even realized. Without circumcision, ease and trust is found in all relationships or; with it circumcision comes feelings of betrayal, suspicion, defensiveness or outright hostility/violence. Our babies’ birthright of trust is ruined. Circumcision is not about what our baby’s penis looks like. It’s about protecting our baby boys and allowing and supporting the trust and kindness inherently in men. How can we have sacred sexuality and sacred conception when we circumcise our baby boys? Women, that means us! We are the ones to protect. Don’t back down. Make sure your partner understands this emotional result. Help him reclaim who he rightfully is by re-experiencing his circumcision. Who can lead this for the good of all men? Jason? Nick?

The closer circumcision is done to the time of birth, the deeper the imprint. The book illustrates that man has three ways of taking this trauma into the baby body: expressing it through sadness and withdrawal, through fear and defensiveness or through anger and lashing out. These three things are a good illustration of the state of men in America.